Size matters? LGBTQ Atlantans discuss love, struggle with body image

Gay people have had issues with keeping up appearances since the first sham marriage. Thankfully, as time has gone on and society has changed, there has been a higher and higher level of LGBTQ acceptance and fewer of us are having to hide our true identities.

But for all the chatter we have about celebrating differences, we’re producing some seriously warped ideas of what the “average” body looks like. The ideal is getting farther and farther away from reality, and studies have shown our rates of body dissatisfaction ― especially among gay men ― are consistently high.

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The GA Voice decided to ask a cross-section of members of Atlanta’s LGBTQ communities to open up about their bodies. Do they like what they see in the mirror? What do they do to feel better about their bodies? How has being LGBTQ affected their body image? What advice would they give someone struggling with body image issues?

We received a variety of answers, and we hope it gives you a variety of things to think about in this new year.

The overall advice from those interviewed? You do you.

‘This is the body you have to negotiate the world’

“Hanne Blank of Atlanta and author of “The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise” says she refuses to participate in a world where people shame others — and make money off of them — for not having the quote-unquote perfect body.

 

“I will not do not do their work for them. I know a lot of people who get a lot of power and make a lot money telling others that their bodies are terrible. I refuse to help them,” she says while taking a walk in North Decatur.

Blank says a lot of people believe that if they could just change their bodies, then everything would be perfect. But, she adds, there’s not a lot of evidence that people with “perfect bodies” have perfect lives.

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My body image is good — I have a good relationship with my body,” Blank says. “Like everybody, I’ve had my moments where I thought I would love it if this was different or that was different. But what I find is that when people are upset, the easiest thing in the room to kick is yourself. It took me a long time to get to a point where I would not kick myself and not blame it on my body,” she says.

There is no wrong way to have a body, Blank adds. 

”Without your body, you can’t be here. Whatever form your body takes, that is kind of fabulous. There’s no wrong way to do this. It’s OK to be in the body you’re in. You are right here and right now and this is the body you have to negotiate the world — and you’ll do a better job of negotiating the world if you’re not trying to beat yourself up,” she says.

‘Work it to the nth degree’

Taylor Alexander identifies as trans and queer and uses pronouns “they” and “their” rather than “he” or “she.” Moving from a small town to the big city of Atlanta meant taking a closer look at body image, Alexander says.

“Being black and Native American and trans and queer, I had to learn to love myself, because nobody else will love me if I don’t love myself ― that whole RuPaul thing,” Alexander says. “That started the journey to me being more comfortable in my own skin.”

Alexander credits the growth of gay sub-communities like bears and otters and others with helping people get more comfortable in their own skin. But Alexander says there’s still work to be done, especially in the media.

 

“Queer folks who face marginalization ― trans folks, people of color, disabled folks, older women ― their bodies are still heavily not pictured or represented in queer media,” says Alexander. “It’s an issue that needs to be fixed if we are to believe fully in community.”

Alexander occasionally relies on a simple practice to get in the right mindset about their body.

“If I’m not happy, it translates to other people,” Alexander says. “So I have the practice of waking up every day and looking in the mirror and realizing this is what I have to work with and I have to work it to the nth degree.”

‘When your primary social outlet is the bars, it’s not the most affirming thing’

Jason Cecil considers himself average but overweight. “I’m kind of built like a linebacker and I tend to get classified within the bear community, although I don’t think I’m particularly hairy enough for that,” he says.

While he says he would like to lose a little more weight, he’s happy with his body. “I have a musculature that responds very well to regular exercise, which is very helpful.”

He wasn’t always happy with his body though.

“In my late 20s and early 30s, I thought that my lack of a love life was very much surrounding my body image and my body weight,” he says. “When your primary social outlet is the bars, it’s not always the most affirming thing.”

Cecil compares the pressure on gay men to look fit to the same pressure women face in the straight community. And the affinity for gay men to show skin in public doesn’t help either.

“I would no more throw on a Speedo, even for charity, and run down the street in public than set myself on fire,” he says. “It would never occur to me to just randomly walk down the street shirtless. I don’t have a gym-perfect body and that’s what’s expected if you’re going to flaunt it, especially in Atlanta. Everyone is so well-sculpted physically, and if you’re not that way it can be difficult to maintain a sense of confidence.”

He credits getting older and “good old fashioned therapy” for becoming more comfortable with his body.

And it was joining gay rugby team the Atlanta Bucks that jump-started his interest in being physically healthy.

“I came into it not having much athletic ability or experience outside of P.E. classes,” he says. “The Bucks trained us and taught us how to stretch, how to build up endurance. You learn to relate to your body physically ― that was a big turnaround point for me.”

‘I was always uncomfortable within my own skin’

It got better for Vandy Beth Glenn. The transgender activist faced a dilemma before she transitioned.

“My body has never conformed to conventional female standards of beauty closely enough to suit me, and before I transitioned, when I was trying to ‘pass’ as male, I didn’t meet those standards, either,” she says.

Apart from watching her weight, she didn’t know what to do with herself.

“I didn’t want to pump iron because I didn’t want to develop masculine musculature. I didn’t do anything that might feminize my appearance because I had deeply suppressed my gender dysphoria. I was always uncomfortable within my own skin,” she says.

Then she transitioned. She says it’s been much easier because she only has to deal with one gender’s standards of beauty.

She admits she’s not always happy with her body. “My belly isn’t flat enough. My posterior isn’t firm enough. I have too many freckles. My face has too many lines,” she says.

But with time and brave choices, she has learned to have some peace of mind with her body.

‘Love yourself for who you are’

 

Jeff Goelz is on the shorter side at 5-feet 5-inches and considers himself stocky but muscular.
“The muscular part is genetics. I’m kind of a blueprint of my mother and father,” he says. “It’s kind of like that good German stock.”

Goelz is one of the few out there who has always had a healthy, positive opinion about his body. For him, it comes down to a mindset.

“I had some weight on me growing up and I was picked on, but that didn’t defeat me. After graduating from college, I was dating a woman, we were potentially going to get married, and I wasn’t particularly happy with where I was in life,” he says.

He decided to do something about it.

“I told myself I could do something constructive or destructive. So I took up swimming, I joined a gym, then the following year I picked up running and did my first triathlon,” he continues. That was over 20 years ago and he hasn’t looked back.

Still, the emphasis in the gay community on appearances isn’t lost on him.
“That’s an external expression of our internal beings,” he says. “So many people want to fit in and conform and I’m not like that. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I’m happy with who I am.”

Regardless, he says he admits to facing his own challenges just like anyone else.

“I’ve lost weight and gained weight,” he says. “It’s a matter of persistence more than anything else, and to love yourself for who you are.”